Today, I went to an audition for a short play festival. I was in this short play festival last year, but going into the audition was completely different than it was last year. This time, just about everyone there knows me, and I didn't feel out of place or out of my league. I walk into this theatre feeling like I was going to give it my all, convinced that I would still get nothing for my efforts. I was comfortable.
I still believe that if I go out and audition again, looking for good and interesting roles, I will be disappointed. I still believe that racial bias in casting is very much there, and I will be turned away repeatedly because of my brown skin. I still believe I will be given five minute "guy standing in the back" roles. But right this moment, I'm coming off a high. Right this moment, I know I have proven myself. I know that I'm actually good.
In the fall of 2012, I went to two auditions. One was for a staged reading of "8". I got a very small part, but the play had me intrigued and I wanted to work with the director. The other was for the play "The Last Days of Judas Iscariot". This was a huge part in a challenging play. The cast was phenomenal, and I knew that I could not "phone in" this performance. This part actually intimidated me.
And I pulled it off. I was good. I was REALLY good. And I was part of something REALLY good. This was one of the best plays I've ever been in.
Can I act? Can I carry a large, demanding part? Can I rise to the occasion, challenge others as they challenge me? Can I hold the stage? I did it all. I was given a chance, and I took it, and I am very proud of my work.
Maybe I'll never get an opportunity like that again, but at least I had the opportunity that time. For three weeks, I was a star. I intend to still hold on to my rule to not take a part that I don't find interesting. I haven't been auditioning, mainly because I want to hold on to this feeling that I am finally accepted by the theatre community, even if it's just an illusion . . . I don't want to come crashing down and finding that, even after proving myself with this role, I still can't get parts. But I need to do more, and this short play festival is a good start.
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